Mind and Matter

Mental Health Corner

GIVE All Year Long

The holidays are a time of joy and celebration for many. As you begin to plan your to-do list and schedule time to gather with your loved ones, remember to also set aside time to reflect on past holidays and what made them memorable. Only when we do this do we recognize which elements of past celebrations truly made them notable and which did not. Not only will this keep you from going overboard with decorations and purchasing gifts but also keep you grounded in what is important. Take this time to set your intentions as to how you want this holiday season to unfold. Remind yourself that you are in control of your thoughts, emotions, and reactions.

A skill that will help you maintain healthy relationships throughout the holiday season and all year long is the GIVE skill, developed by psychologist Marsha Linehan who developed dialectical behavior therapy. GIVE is the acronym for (be) Gentle, (act) Interested, Validate, and (use an) Easy manner. Implement it with all interactions and with those that tend to escalate in tone rather quickly.

• (be) Gentle: Be respectful and kind. Avoid verbal attacks or manipulation. circumvent judging, moralizing, and blaming. Avoid smirking, eye-rolling, or sucking of the teeth. Do not interrupt the person speaking.

• (act) Interested: Listen and show that you are interested in the person speaking. Face the person, maintain eye contact, and lean toward the person. Do not interrupt or talk over them. Listen to their point of view. Be patient.

• Validate: Try to see the world from their perspective. Show that you understand their thoughts and feelings by saying, “I see that this is hard for you.” Consider going to a private place to continue the conversation if the person is uncomfortable speaking in public.

• (use an) Easy Manner: Smile, use humor, soften your attitude, and be light-hearted. Avoid an attitude.

Click here to read the full Mind and Matter Holiday Edition.