By Orlando J. Gonzalez, MSEd, LMHC, CEAP
Changing and uncertain economic climates often fuel fear, social restlessness, and distress. While we may be hard-pressed to control other factors during times of adversity, our responses remain the only things we have any control over and will, more than likely, be the main determinant of positive outcomes. Those well-equipped to manage such “economic winters” are wise to pack a healthy portion of civility into their survival kits.
In the book “Choosing Civility,” author P.M. Forni features rules for considerate conduct. The bulk of these rules may be reduced to three basic principles - 1) pay attention, 2) acknowledge others, and 3) think the best. Although quite basic conceptually, their practice eludes those preoccupied with the complexities and demands of modern life. If we are not vigilant, adverse economic times can create conditions that erode considerate conduct, trampling civility in the wake of indifference, distraction, and inertia.
As we go through the workweek, is the person working in the nearby office just another UM employee, or is she the colleague who shared her concerns with you about not being able to pay next month’s rent without going into debt? As you drive home, is the car merging into your lane doing so to purposely annoy you and delay your drive home, or does the parent behind the wheel need to rush to pick up his children from daycare? At home, are you bombarded by the concerns of needy people, or sought after by the son who misses his mother and craves nurturance?
As we move through what promises to be a challenging year, let us make strong efforts to pay active attention to one another, acknowledge each other’s presence and entertain the fact there is more than one way to interpret any given situation or behavior. Resist the automatic tendency to fill in the unknown with flawed projections. Changes in personality, mood, appearance, and function may all indicate something is challenging a friend, a co-worker, a partner, a child, or us. Be the one willing to notice these changes and express genuine concern.
The eyes and ears of any organization (each of us) are frequently the first to notice distressed peers. Inform your supervisor if you feel uncomfortable expressing your concerns to a co-worker directly. Do not hesitate to call the FSAP with questions regarding how you can reach out and offer support to others. The FSAP is a free and confidential service available to UM faculty, staff, spouses/domestic partners, dependents, and retirees. Consultations are conducted by licensed mental health professionals who listen, make suggestions/recommendations, and assist with referrals to services that can help.
We all deserve to work in settings that promote safety, growth, and responsive behaviors. Let's work together to foster attentiveness towards, acknowledgment of, and positive regard for each other.
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