The holiday season is a time of joy and celebration for many however, if you have recently suffered the loss of a spouse/partner, family member or close friend/ co-worker you may be unsure how to navigate the holidays, especially if this is the first holiday season following their absence. The holidays tend to amplify feelings of loss as individuals tend to recall past celebrations with their loved one. According to Therese Rando, PhD, clinical director of the Institute for the Study and Treatment of Loss in Warwick, Rhode Island, "The central task at the holidays is the bereaved person has to hold two realities simultaneously. They acknowledge the loss of the person who's not here that they want to be here and acknowledge the presence of the people who are still here that they want to be connected to." The American Psychological Association offers sound suggestions as to how you may cope with the many social demands that accompany this time of year:
- Acknowledge that the holidays will be different this year.
- Decide how you want to approach the holidays. Which traditions do you want to continue, and which do you want to forgo? Will you remain in town or go away?
- Determine who you will spend the day with.
- Communicate your plans to those close to you.
- Keep in mind that while celebrations may be all-day events you can shorten your visit/stay.
- Maintain the memory of your loved one alive by continuing to speak of the deceased and let others know that it is all right to bring his/her name up in conversation.
- Honor your loved one by preparing their favorite dish, or recipe, or playing their favorite playlist, or recalling stories about him/her.
- The way that you choose to go through the holiday this year does not dictate how you will do it next year.
Remembering that the actual holiday is only 24-hours long and that it will end soon seems to help individuals cope. Once the holiday is over it is important to evaluate what worked for you this year and what did not. This will help inform your future choices.
Source: apa.org/news/apa/2018/good-grief
Click here to read the full Mind and Matter Holiday Edition.
