Self-soothing is a technique to help calm yourself after an upsetting event. It helps your body return to a normal state after stress. Everyone needs to soothe themselves after a shock, trauma, or feeling upset.
However, many adults use unhealthy ways to self-soothe, such as drinking alcohol, emotional eating, binge-watching TV, compulsive gaming, or excessive internet use. These behaviors provide temporary relief but can negatively affect your mental or physical health. Researchers say unhealthy self-soothing includes any actions that offer short-term comfort but cause long-term harm.
While many of us are familiar with soothing others when they are having a tough time, soothing ourselves is something many of us find difficult. Yet, self-soothing skills are essential for self-regulation and mental health. Research into self-soothing techniques for adults is a relatively new area, but some interventions are attracting increasing attention from psychology and neuroscience researchers, including havening, dialectical behavior therapy(DBT), and somatic experiencing techniques.
One way to acquire self-soothing skills is to create a toolkit. The box might include objects or reminders of how to soothe all five senses: comforting smells such as scented candles, essential oils, or body lotion; pleasant tastes such as herbal teas or favorite snacks; soothing things to touch such as a favorite sweater, wrap, or stress ball; comforting sights such as photos of loved ones, pets, or favorite places; and soothing sounds such as a favorite piece of music or guided meditation track.
7 Examples of Self-Soothing Behaviors
- Change the environment - If possible, change the environment for a few minutes. Go outside and focus on greenery or find a soothing indoor space with a pleasant view or ambiance.
- Stretch for five minutes to move any blocked energy - Often, after upsetting news or a shock, our bodies respond by freezing, and energy gets blocked. A few simple trunk twists, neck rotations, or bends at the hip to touch the toes can help shift stagnant energy.
- Take a warm shower or bath - Treat yourself with soothing body wash or bubbles and a fresh, soft towel afterward.
- Soothing imagery - Find soothing things to look at such as a burning candle, soft lights, pictures of loved ones, favorite places, or inspirational quotes or affirmations.
- Soothing music - Listen to your favorite tracks that have a calming effect or one of the many relaxing music videos that are available online.
- Soothing smells - Create pleasant smells by using an essential oil diffuser, scented candle, or incense. Also, try using scented hand lotion.
- Self-compassion - Speak compassionately to yourself aloud. Talk to yourself like a good friend would. Give yourself the grace to be off-balance and the space to just be as you are for a while.
3 Self-Soothing Techniques and Strategies for Adults
The following techniques use self-soothing touch to raise oxytocin levels and lower the stress response quickly and effectively.
- Cortisol self-massage: A short self-massage of the neck, shoulders, and hands, followed by a good shake-out, to release tension that is often held in the head area that can cause headaches, brain fog, and fatigue, especially when working for long hours on the screen.
- Tapping: Tapping is a self-soothing method used by the emotional freedom technique (EFT), which involves lightly tapping on acupressure points on different parts of the body. EFT Tapping lowers cortisol levels in the body and helps regulate other stress indicators, like heart rate, breathing, and body temperature.
- Butterfly hug: The butterfly hug technique combines tapping with focused breathing and positive affirmations, such as, “I’m safe and secure” or “I am loved,” and is an excellent grounding technique that can be used anywhere.
No matter how well we navigate life or how psychologically skilled we are, we will inevitably face shocking and unexpected events. During these times of loss or sudden change, having access to self-soothing techniques is essential.
However, it is important to note that self-soothing should not be a substitute for seeking professional help when needed. The FSAP offers free and confidential consultations, in person, via Zoom, and through telephone. Learn more.
Sources: positivepsychology.com
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