Feeling well connected to others contributes to mental health, meaning in life, and even physical well-being. When loneliness or isolation becomes chronic, human brains and bodies suffer, straining a person’s long-term well-being as significantly as major health risks like obesity and air pollution.
Here are four research proven behaviors which enhance feelings of social connection.
1. Heart-to-hearts
For many people, the first thing that comes to mind when asked about meaningful connections are heart-to-heart conversations. These are key moments of emotional intimacy. One person “opens up” about something personal (often emotional and vulnerable) and in return another person communicates understanding, acceptance, and care – what researchers call responsiveness.
In emotionally intimate moments, personal sharing is often reciprocal, though a sense of connection can arise whether you are the one “opening up” or the one “offering responsiveness.”
2. Giving and receiving help
People bond by giving and receiving support. There are two kinds of social support that often figure into moments of connection. Instrumental support is tangibly helping with the practicalities of a solution. For example, if you bring me groceries when I am feeling under the weather, we would be bonding through instrumental support. Emotional support is nurturing another’s feelings. If you dropped by to give me a hug when I am stressed out, this would be emotional support.
Either way, your actions are responsive: You understand my situation and by taking some form of action you show that you care.
While it’s perhaps no surprise that you might feel connected when someone offers you responsive kindness, it works in the other direction too. Supporting others builds that feeling of connection, especially if you sincerely want to help and feel your aid is useful. To be effective, though, you need to be responding to another person’s needs, rather than your own idea of what they need. Sometimes this means offering emotional support to help another person calm down, so they can tackle their own problem despite your own desire to jump in and solve the issue for them.
3. Positive vibes
Research shows that people gain a sense of connection by experiencing positive emotions together. And this sense of connection is not only in your mind. When two people share this kind of good vibe, their bodies coordinate too. They synchronize, with simultaneous gestures and facial expressions, and even bio-markers such as heart rate and hormones shift in similar patterns.
Human beings rely on these positive, synchronous moments as a basic connecting force beginning in infancy, and people continue to seek out synchronous interactions throughout life. Think of enjoyable activities like singing and dancing together – they are embodied forms of connection that release endorphins that help you feel bonded. The same goes for laughing together, which comes with the bonus that a shared sense of humor suggests a similar sense of reality, which enhances connection.
When someone tells you about a positive event in their life, a reliable way to enhance bonds is to sincerely and enthusiastically respond to their good news - celebrating, congratulating, or simply saying, “I am so happy for you.”
People gain a sense of connection by experiencing positive emotions together; and this impacts both, their physical and mental health.
4. Affirming expressions
Those moments when you let people know how much you appreciate, like, or love them can be brief but powerful. Expressing and receiving affection and gratitude are especially well-researched means of bonding.
Outright manifestations of affection can come in the form of direct verbal declarations, like saying “I love you,” or physical expressions, like holding hands.
Humans are not mind readers. Anyone’s sense of what others think and feel is at best moderately accurate. To feel connected, it’s not enough that I genuinely understand you or care for you, for example. If you do not perceive me as understanding or caring as we interact, you likely will not walk away feeling connected. This is especially an issue when you are lonely because loneliness can lead you to view your interactions in a more negative way.
Each person also has different preferences for ways of connecting that more reliably help them to feel bonded. For example, some people may love to talk about their feelings and may gravitate toward emotional intimacy. Others may “open up” only with those they deeply trust but love to connect more widely through humor.
Gaining insight into various ways of experiencing connection may allow you to practice new ways to engage with others. It may also help you simply pay attention to where these moments already exist in daily life. Savoring moments when you feel close to others – or even just recalling such events – can enhance that sense of connection.
Source: weforum.org
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